I once wrote about the outfits Cate Blanchett rocked in Ocean’s 8, and how every single one of them made me gayer. But just when I thought I had maxed out all my gay cards by shipping Lou and Debbie Ocean, drooling over Gillian Anderson’s new gender-bending fashion line, and watching dreary lesbian sob story Disobedience on Amazon Prime for fun — something major happened: I saw A Simple Favor, the new Paul Feig-directed comedy-thriller in which Blake Lively makes out with Anna Kendrick.
The movie’s brief girl-on-girl kiss was good, as was the utilization of Linda Cardellini as a butch art lesbian, but the outfits that Blake Lively wore in every scene were to die for. Clearly, lesbian fashion is having a renaissance in film and TV, and I compulsively need to talk about it or I’ll die.
The “I’m Gay and it’s Raining” Three-Piece Suit
This is a very important look from Lively, who plays Emily, a psychotic and manipulative bisexual who literally preys on the innocent and bicurious (like Anna Kendrick’s bubbly character, Stephanie). The pinstriped Ralph Lauren jacket, pants, and cummerbund are perfect for walking around in the rain and telling people that you’re a gay witch. Inspired by Echo Park lesbians who wear suits in 90-degree heat despite looking extra as fuck, the outfit comes clad with a hat that says, “Yes, of course, I’ve finger-blasted a girl on the back of a haunted hayride before, next question.”
“We wanted to make it look intimidating; she played a very strong character,” said Renee Ehrlich Kalfus, the film’s costume designer, of Lively’s character. Well, I think it’s safe to say she communicated that well, especially with these maroon, grey and black color-blocked Oxfords. Please note Lively is also wearing a gold suit chain, a silky white button up buttoned to the top, and is carrying her 7th Horcrux, a possessed eldritch umbrella, which is likely a cursed family talisman she excavated from her great grandmother’s attic. Hex me Blake, you coward.
A Suit with A Severe-As-Fuck Bowtie
Emily is an extremely cosmopolitan public relations director for a fashion icon who says Emily’s only responsibilities are fixing things and looking fierce — which she does well. Here, she serves another navy suit with matching high-waisted pants and a white button up.
But try to avert your eyes from the angular bowtie; similar to Medusa’s face, staring at this bowtie for too long induces irreversible changes in your body — you won’t turn to stone necessarily, but you will turn into a stone butch. Other reported side effects of locking eyes with this bow tie include showing up to a Haim concert alone, becoming an admin on a regurgitated Blake Lively GIF Tumblr, and triggering movie studios to purchase a new slate of female-led films en masse. (FYI, you can buy this bowtie at J. Crew.)
Feminist Lesbian Pimp Suit
In this standout ensemble from A Simple Favor, Lively looks like she runs an underground feminist prostitution ring, where she’s in open, consensual polyamorous relationships with all of the sex workers. In multiple scenes, including this one, Lively carries a pimp cane with a silver skull head. The cane is actually director Paul Feig’s walking stick, but who cares? I want her to bash my fucking skull in for not having enough cash for whatever suspect deal we made in a desolate alleyway.
I’m not sure which accessory from this outfit is the gayest—there’s the pimp cane, sure, but there’s also the unfastened bow tie, which may or may not be an Easter Egg in the Extended Lesbian Cinematic Universe insinuating that A Simple Favor takes place in the same world as Ocean’s 8. There’s also the gold suit chain with a tiny pocket-watch that’s (allegedly) a time-traveling device designed to remind time-hoppers what year they’re in and subsequently prevent space-time-induced brain damage. I’m just glad that loose ties are back, because I was running out of sticky tags that read “HELLO, MY NAME IS…DYKE.”
The Slutty Annie Hall
According to The Hollywood Reporter, the costume designer pulled from the gender-queer lewks of Diane Keaton and Katharine Hepburn for Blake’s character. But let’s be real—she probably just spent hours scrolling through lesbian Pinterest boards and Kristen Stewart stan accounts. This getup was inspired by a utopian alternate universe in which Annie Hall was written and directed by Jill Soloway and starred Diane Keaton and Jane Fonda instead of (ugh) Woody Allen. The navy vest and high-waisted pants are once again accompanied by the tiny gay pocket watch, as well as removable cuffs and cufflink gemstones stolen from the crown jewels of Bloody Mary. If you hold the gems to your ear like a conch shell, you can still hear the screams of 16th century Protestants being burned at the stake.
This outfit is designed to mirror the darkness that all queer women have been burdened with; we carry the weight of the millions of queer women who have been prosecuted throughout history like a 13-year-old mall rat toting a Coach purse. Doom and gloom is our cross to bear, so excuse us for wanting to express ourselves via witchy hats, tailored suits, and cursed familial gemstones. Blake Lively’s outfits in A Simple Favor illustrate her queerness better than the kiss with Anna Kendrick or her character’s history with a college girlfriend. The ensembles say, “I’m here. I’m queer. I will perform black magic over your body with my Wiccan women’s group. Don’t @ me.”
A Simple Favor hits theaters tomorrow.