The Tate Goes Gay

To mark the 50th anniversary of the partial decriminalization of male homosexuality in England and Wales, the Tate Britain has opened the first exhibition ever dedicated to queer British art.

It presents work from the abolition of the death penalty for sodomy in 1861 to the passing of the Sexual Offences Act in 1967 – a time of seismic shifts in gender and sexuality that found expression in the arts as artists, and viewers explored their desires, experiences, and sense of self.

When I first entered the exhibition, I felt like I was about to get a traditional history lesson about queer art in Britain but was pleasantly surprised with how playful and enjoyable the work was to view. The exhibition showcased the rich diversity of queer visual art and it’s role in society. I was particularly taken by the sense of love and intimacy in all the pieces where an artist was painting a subject who they were understood to be intimate with. You could feel the salaciousness of it but with the tenderness of true love and adoration.

The exhibition spans various ages and explores the queer desires amongst the Pre-Raphaelites, representations of and by women who defied convention, and love and lust in the sixties in Soho. Some of the most powerful moments in the exhibition include Oscar Wilde’s prison cell door and stunning paintings by Henry Scott Tuke during his time in Falmouth in the 1920’s.

Many of the works on display were produced in a time when the terms “gay,” “lesbian,” “bisexual,” and “trans” had little public recognition. The exhibition illustrates the ways in which sexuality became publicly defined through the work of sexologists such as Henry Havelock Ellis and campaigners such as Edward Carpenter. Queer British Art features works by major artists such as Francis Bacon, David Hockney, Keith Vaughan, Evelyn de Morgan, Gluck, Glyn Philpot, Claude Cahun, and Cecil Beaton alongside queer ephemera, personal photographs, film, and magazines.

Very rarely does one leave an exhibition of work from the 1800’s feeling like they have been shaken to their core, but Queer British Art was one of them. I hold the utmost respect for the artists who didn’t succumb to suppressing their truth and immortalized queer culture for us to appreciate hundreds of years later. It’s because of their fearlessness and ability to challenge the notions of normal that we are able to be apart of a world that embraces one love.

Queer British Art runs fromApril 5 to October 1 at the Tate Britain in London. Find out more here.

You Can’t Sit With Us

As queer culture continues to carve its own colorful niche in the otherwise monotonous world of mainstream society, the role of queer spaces themselves has become more important than ever. We may see drag queens on TV, gay men in make-up campaigns, and trans women on the cover of Vogue, but the dominant political attitude in the world at large is still one of hostility towards all minorities. This general willingness to celebrate queer creativity but reluctance to actually protect queer people has led to LGBTQ+ bars and nightlife coming under more scrutiny than ever. Should these places be entirely inclusive, or should they remain exclusive to ensure a safe environment?

Opinions have differed wildly over the years – and rightly so. It is, after all, a complicated debate. Personally, growing up queer in a small village dominated by working-class masculinity meant that, when I did move to a city and discover my local queer bars, they immediately became a refuge. Not only was I surrounded by like-minded people, I was able to indulge my desires without judgement, and most importantly, share experiences and make friends that would go on to become valuable voices outside the club walls. Last year’s tragic Orlando massacre reiterated the importance of these spaces – although they have, by no means, always been safe, they have at least created a sense of community in a world which can often seem to resent your existence.

However, in my experience – and the experiences of various other voices both online and in daily life – these spaces have never been, and still aren’t, perfect. I’ve seen female friends turned away and verbally abused, PoC made to feel glaringly unwelcome, and trans women forcefully ejected from toilet cubicles.

There are countless articles and interviews online which outline the fact that racism, misogyny, and transphobia are already prevalent in LGBTQ+ venues; from bloggers sharing their own personal experiences to high-profile sites highlighting a wider cultural attitude, the receipts are endless. The problem with only asking whether straight people should be allowed in queer venues is deeper than it first seems; not only does it detract attention from these ongoing issues which need to be tackled, it implies that these venues are inclusive and welcoming enough to begin with.

Still, the debate is valid and increasingly necessary. Last week, RuPaul added new context and highlighted the crux of the problem: “People who live in the mainstream and the status quo think that everyone is there to serve them.” The icon honed in on bachelorette parties and straight women in particular, arguing that the mentality is that gay men are an accessory. “Just because your limited view is that everyone’s there to serve you and you’re the only person in the world. It doesn’t work that way.”

Increasingly, venues worldwide are adopting a new mentality which is welcoming of anybody that’s tolerant and respectful. After all, how can we monitor someone’s sexuality before they step into a queer space? There is no door policy which can successfully label someone’s identity and, after all, queerness is supposed to be a rejection of labels – so why would we want to even try?

Some arguments have focused on the fact that straight people are essentially tourists of queer culture; this doesn’t mean exclusion, it simply means respect. LGBTQ+ communities need queer spaces more than ever; we need our own individual hubs to be able to do whatever we want without being judged to the same standards that see us persecuted and discriminated against outside of these settings. These group mentalities aren’t achieved through exclusion – homophobia is already rife within the gay community, a fact which highlights that the problem isn’t gender identity, race, or sexuality; it’s your attitude. So, if you do want to ‘tour’ queer spaces, bring an ideology of acceptance, don’t be intrusive, and don’t discriminate. Stay in your lane, bring cash to support queens and queer-owned businesses, and ultimately, help us make these valuable spaces as accepting as possible.

Harry, Don’t F*ck It Up

On April 7th, the best member of One Direction, Harry Styles (sorry, Zayn), is finally set to launch his solo career with his debut solo single “Sign of the Times”.

View full post here.

Following in the footsteps of Adele, Styles teased viewers during a commercial break during The Voice UK with an enigmatic trailer that saw the former boybander wander moodily through a dark room before the clip ended with a close up of his face. He echoed this by sharing three white, blank squares on his Instagram.

Unlike the other members of One Direction, Harry Styles isn’t known for his Twitter spats, oversharing, and is, quite frankly, pretty damn elusive (could he be the new elusive chanteuse?). That’s why, when he does say something, it holds some level of gravitas. Like Lana Del Rey, Beyoncé, or Kate Bush, when Harry Styles says something, whether it be via Instagram, Twitter, or in an even rarer interview, there’s usually a reason.

It’s because of this that we know Mr. Styles is a staunch supporter of LGBTQ rights. While other members of his former band have kept pretty quiet when it comes to the LGBTQ community, Harry has tweeted, Instagrammed, and run around stadium stages wearing a rainbow flag as a cape. What’s more, Harry isn’t a stranger to a gay bar, has continuously shown support for LGBTQ youth, and has stood up to the anti-LGBTQ Westboro Baptist Church.

View full post here.

There are, of course, heaps of queer artists doing incredible things in the music industry, with the likes of Mykki Blanco, Troye Sivan, Perfume Genius, PWR BTTM, Frank Ocean, MUNA, Tegan and Sara, and Anohni clearly doing more to help expand and tell LGBTQ stories. But given the current socio-political climate, the community needs allies, and without a doubt Styles is one of them. It’s with this in mind, then, that I’m hopeful about the singer’s upcoming solo material.

Unlike Zayn Malik, who relished ditching the stadium pop-rock of his former band for RB and sex jams, I have a feeling that Harry Styles’ solo music might retain that rockier edge that reflects some of 1D’s back catalogue. Part of this stems from his style, which takes notes from the stars of the ‘60s and ‘70s, but also because of what people have said.

There have been rumors that Styles has been working with everyone from Max Martin to Ryan Tedder (both of whom, I have to say, would be welcome collaborators). But according to a report byHITS Daily Double, the singer has recorded the entirety of his solo debut with Jeff Bhasker, who has lent his hand to work by the likes of Lana Del Rey, Mark Ronson, Jay Z, Beyoncé, Kanye West, Bruno Mars, and indie pop darling La Roux.

What’s more, the report suggests that Styles’ music will mirror the “high-water mark of ‘70s British rock”, with HDD citing two queer musical icons: David Bowie and the band Queen.

We don’t need to do a history lesson of how, in the 1970s, pop music’s biggest stars were playing with gender, sexual ambiguity, and androgyny. And maybe I’m reaching (I’m totally reaching, right?), and maybe this is wish fulfillment, but I’d be pretty happy if, with his solo music, Harry Styles was willing to place himself somewhere in this rich tapestry. Let it be camp, let it be knowing, let it be ambiguous, and most of all let it be fabulous!

Perhaps he’s even been inspired by another visionary, too. The fact that his lead single is called “Sign of the Times” could just be serendipitous, but hopefully the track will have inherited some of the spunk and spirit of the Prince track of the same name.

Of course, I don’t need Harry Styles to make queer friendly music, nor do I want him to for the sake of it. I also don’t need his validation – I’m literally fine, thanks.

But while female artists like Lady Gaga, Ariana Grande, Britney Spears, Madonna, and Miley Cyrus make leaps towards supporting their LGBTQ fans, male artists are generally more reticent. That’s why, given how ubiquitous I’m assuming Styles’ music outpouring will be, it’d be great to see some more male allies who aren’t just allies to sell records. We have enough music about boning women while the singers bait the gay community with shirtless photoshoots and “If I was gay” stories.

I just think that if there’s one mainstream artist in the world right now who has a chance to really play and experiment with sexuality and gender like Bowie and Freddie Mercury did, it’s Harry Styles.

So c’mon Hazza…don’t fuck it up!

Harry Styles releases his debut solo single “Sign of the Times” on April 7th.

Supergay is Your New Superhero

We’ve been holding out for a candy colored hero for a long time now, so praise the queer gods that Supergay has come to our rescue. Check out the premiere episode of our very first animated series, and pray no one falls into the depths of Butt Creek.

Produced by East Creative @eastreativeh

Spring Shade: Top 5 Trends in Sunglasses

Finding the right sunglasses for your face is half the battle. They also need to be fashionable. So if you haven’t already ditched those gas station shades (go ahead, we’ll wait), let these five trends from the runways help guide you to something that REALLY flatters your face.

The Square Frame

Gaining momentum from the S/S ‘17 runway shows, the square silhouette continues to grow in popularity, with more and more designers opting for geometric shapes. Smokey grey colors work well and go with pretty much everything.

Left to right: Sun Buddies, Gucci, Alexander McQueen

The New Aviator

Aviator sunglasses have always been popular (and still are), but smaller-sized lenses are becoming more important as we move into the summer months. Rounded shapes with a minimal look work well with metal frames and brow bars.

Left to right: Garrett Leight, Acne, Bottega Veneta

Rounded

With the popularity of retro dressing, the round eyewear silhouette remains a strong one for the season. A slightly minimal look works well with metal and wire frames, or for the braver of you out there, opt for a tortoise shell pattern.

Left to right: Thomas Maier, Ace and Tate, Mykita

Tinted

Brands like Gucci and Prada have pushed 70’s styling right into the forefront, giving lots of attention to tinted lenses. The eyes are still visible through soft blue, yellow, and smoky grey lenses that give a modern retro look.

Left to right: Barton Perreira, Gucci, Oliver Peoples

Mirrored

Working perfectly for aviator and military-inspired styles, mirrored lenses are key for the summer season and move into the winter months with ease. Many brands are choosing clear frames or metal frames that match the lens for a seamless look.

Left to right: Gentle Monster, Allied Metal Works, Local Supply

Sunny and Out: LA Political Queers

The West Coast is called the Left Coast for a reason. Despite pockets of Trumpland, the area is predominantly liberal and not afraid to show it. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t work to be done. Photographer David Vassalli checked in with three LA queer activists who are helping to inspire and ignite the next LGBTQ generation through dance, fashion, and giving fucks when necessary.

Ryon Wu, 20

How are you speaking out in 2017?
Being queer and Asian, I feel it is important to speak out and encourage others to be more inclusive of people of all types. Whenever I witness any homophobia, racism, or hate of any kind, I make sure to always speak out against it. Some may feel not speaking out avoids conflict, but in the end, staying silent can lead to more harm. Especially with the political climate we are currently in, silence comes close to siding with and enabling the problem. It’s a very crucial time for everybody to support one another and stay strong through this time of chaos. Throughout my life, I have endured hatred, whether it be from homophobia or racism. Experiencing these things from such a young age was traumatizing for me, and it’s heartbreaking knowing that minorities everywhere are suffering because of Trump and the hate he encourages.

What advice do you have for queer youth?
Don’t be afraid to express yourself. As cheesy as it sounds, I don’t feel like I started enjoying life until I stopped caring about what people thought of me and started being me. Go out, have fun, dress how you want, and do what you want (as long as it isn’t causing harm to anyone, of course). Stay brave and don’t ever feel ashamed of being yourself.

Tyler Lazzari, 22

How are you speaking out in 2017?
Given our newly elected POTUS, the importance of speaking out against injustice has become more dire than ever. There are many different ways one can speak out, but my preferred method is through art, performance, and fashion. When I get dressed, I’m wearing a statement. Whether I’m in heels, a wig, or simply a t-shirt and shorts, it’s a statement. You’d be surprised how much impact you can make just by wearing something that truly represents yourself, regardless of what people think. In order for us to break these hateful and backwards views against LGBTQ / POC, we must continue to push boundaries.

What advice do you have for queer youth?
My advice would be to keep your head up, and don’t match hate with hate. Growing up I would get infuriated when people would taunt and tease me, but as the years went on, I realized none of it mattered and that I was above it. The funniest thing about it is that those same boys that used to tease me hit me up on Grindr after graduation. That’s when I realized that they didn’t hate me, they envied my courage to be true to myself. Be yourself. It can and will inspire those around you that are hiding their true colors from the world. Stay beautiful.

Love Bailey, timeless

How are you speaking out in 2017?
By creating an all inclusive platform called the Slather Factory, where we invite all our queer friends to slather love on thick and dance to whatever sets their hearts on fire.

What advice do you have for queer youth?
Your energy is a currency. Use it wisely, and don’t let anyone take your magic without an equal exchange. Beware of wolves in sheep’s clothing, and make contracts to protect yourself against exploitation. Put the power back in your hands, and speak up against discrimination and injustice. The time is now. The future is in your hands!

Five Lush Products You Can’t Deny

Lush was founded in Poole, England over twenty years ago and today is a household brand around the world. They are a very ethical company that makes all of their products by hand (each product has an illustration of the person who made that batch), they don’t test their products on animals (instead use human volunteers), and they have a great tongue-in-cheek quality to the way they connect with their clientele and branding.

With their original claim to fame being their undeniably iconic bath bombs, I decided to see what they had for male grooming. For some reason, I always felt like Lush was like a kitsch cosmetics place for hippies and vegans. But after this past week, I’ve realized how wrong I was, and I’m officially addicted to some of these products now. Here are the five to try:

Prince Shaving Cream

I realized as soon as I used Prince that everything I have ever put on my face has never felt like cream (there’s a joke here somewhere). I noticed after using it that my face felt moisturized, and as the week passed, I did notice the anti-inflammatory ingredients working well to give me a smooth and nourished complexion.

Main ingredients: Witch hazel extract, rose water, cocoa butter, and beeswax.

Kalamazoo Beard and Facial Wash

For all you beard lovers who wonder how to clean your beard without using something too oily, look no further. Kalamazoo is a very gentle cleanser for both your face and your beard. I recommend this for all the lumberjack hipsters who channel Lord of the Rings style beards. It leaves your skin feeling soft and your facial hair feeling great.

Main ingredients: Fresh pineapple juice, apricot kernel oil, organic jojoba oil, and almond oil.

RB Hair Moisturizer

RB Hair moisturizer is a lifesaver for those who like to have hydrated hair that leaves an alluring scent. When I first opened the jar, I was overwhelmed by the perfume, but after using only a pea sized amount on my short hair, I had people asking me what that beautiful scent was all day long. Using it is simple; just rub into wet or dry hair and your hair is nourished and protected.

Main ingredients: Oat milk, organic avocado, extra virgin coconut oil, and orange flower absolute.

Ocean Salt Face and Body Scrub

This guy I used to date worked at Lush (this was like 10 years ago), and I remember he introduced me to Ocean Salt (there’s another joke here too). It’s extremely effective as a skin buffer and exfoliator. Due to the fine sea salt, it smells exactly like the ocean, and the avocado butter and lime gives it a bit of a cocktail kick. Your skin immediately feels improved, but it smells really salty, so I wouldn’t want to use it every day.

How it’s made:

Main ingredients: Hand harvested sea salt, grapefruit, lime, and avocado butter.

Cup O’ Coffee Exfoliating Mask

OH MY GOD. As soon as I opened Cup O’ Coffee I was in heaven. The aroma of cocoa and coffee was divine. This face and body mask is a dream, and I think will become a weekly ritual for the rest of my life. All you need to do is spread it on your face and body, then scrub it away after 10 minutes. The agave syrup leaves your skin feeling soft, and the smell of cocoa and coffee lasts for hours (also the coffee grounds exfoliate). This is a must-have for rejuvenation, and I’ve finally figured out a way to enjoy coffee without the shakes.

How it’s made:

Main ingredients: Coffee, vanilla absolute, vetiver oil, cocoa extract, and agave syrup.

GBF-ing It

There are two things women can’t live without: rosé and GBFs. That’s just science. Likewise, we can’t live without our girlfriends. They provide the drinking, dancing, and dishing opportunities that our fellow gays can’t always deliver on. And you know, letting us vent when our love lives goes south. This is a special relationship, so let’s cut the crap and just own it.

As part of our collaboration with Galore Magazine, we had a chat with some of the Galore Girls and their GBFs and let them break down why their connection is errrrrything.

Luna Lovebad and Anthony

What’s your name?
Anthony.

How old are you?
27

What’s your sign?
Gemini.

Where are you from?
Chicago.

What’s your ideal date?
I would go dancing or go to a cute Airbnb together, like a nice “staycation”.

How did you and Luna Lovebad meet?
We met through Instagram!

What’s a personality trait you like about Luna?
I love that Luna gives zero fucks and has a loving nature.

Luna, what’s a personality trait that you like about Anthony?
He has a “down for whatever” attitude. And his pink hair.

Grace McKagan and Quentin Haarpaintner

What’s your name?
Quentin.

How old are you?
19

What’s your sign?
Scorpio.

Where are you from?
LA.

What’s your ideal date?
A hike that’s not too challenging, but it gives you something to look at and chat about. I don’t like being sedentary with someone I don’t know, so it helps to be moving around.

What’s a pick up line that always works on you when mingling or on a dating app?
When someone says “You look familiar” I always answer. Or if they say something like, “Were you at so and so’s party this weekend?” Or dropping mutual friends.

How did you and Grace meet?
We met in 7th grade.

What’s a personality trait you like about Grace?
Grace’s free spirit.

Grace what do you like about Quentin?
He’s always in a good mood and brings positive vibes everywhere.

Harmony and Vice

What’s your name?
Vice.

How old are you?
24

What’s your sign?
Gemini.

Where are you from?
Harbor City, CA but born in Hawaii.

What’s your ideal date?
A half-day at Six Flags riding roller coasters so we have an exciting time together, and we can get to know each other while we wait in line.

How did you and Harmony meet?
We met at a mutual friend’s party about a year ago.

What’s a personality trait you like about Harmony?
Her legs [laughs].

Harmony, what’s a personality trait that you like about Vice?
His energy.

See what Galore said about us here.

I Realized I was Gay While Playing Street Fighter II

Flashback to 1993: Jurassic Park had just been released, Madonna was touring the world with The Girlie Show, and Sylvester Stallone and Jean-Claude Van Damme were fighting baddies on TV with their fists of fury and kung-fu kicks.

The early 90’s also marked the time when amusement arcades saw one last resurgence in popularity, a renaissance for the business before the final surrender to the arrival of video game consoles and home entertainment. Thanks to the launch on the market of Japanese fighting games like Street Fighter II and Tekken, arcades were buzzing again with a new wave of enthusiastic players like me, geeky kids and preadolescent boys, taking our first steps into the world as fully-fledged gamers.

Like most 12-year-old boys back then, I loved spending most of my time surrounded by blinking “Insert Coin” signs and cacophonous 8-bit melodies blaring in loops from permanent demo modes. Unfortunately, my reserved personality and social awkwardness did not allow me to fully enjoy those coin-operated heavens of flashing lights. I ventured into the arcades by myself, circling around the machines like a timid tiny shark, watching the other kids play while I was nervously fiddling with the tokens in my pocket. I was too shy to ask someone to join me, and whenever it was my turn to play, I made sure no one was watching.

My gaming choices were the main reason for my lack of video game buddies. Whenever I played Street Fighter II, for instance, I always picked one and only one character: Chun-Li, the first successful and popular female protagonist in an action game. Her legacy paved the way for strong ladies like Lara Croft or Jill Valentine from Resident Evil. Chun-Li became my instant favorite, not only because of her iconic looks and powerful air attacks, but also because by choosing her I was able to explore unprecedented options of gender nonconformity.

The gaming world for me has always been a place where I could behave unconventionally without any real life consequences, and even if I was probably too young to clearly understand my blossoming sexual orientation, the adoption of such a strong woman to defeat legions of macho fighters felt amazingly satisfying. Unfortunately the other boys did not understand why I would use Chun-Li instead of the more popular options like Ryu or Ken. Older kids started teasing me. So the day one too many “f” words was thrown at me, I simply resolved to stop playing in front of other people, dreaming of the day I would find a gaming partner who would bear no judgement.

When I finally received Street Fighter II for my Super Nintendo console, it was one of the happiest times of my life. At last, I was able to find shelter in the privacy of my house – no more peer pressure, no more competition with aggressive adolescents. The enhanced graphics of the new 16-bit console were groundbreaking for the time, and I remember feeling reverential respect for the superbly detailed images, as well as an increasing familiarity with the group of exotic combatants that I controlled in the game. All of the sudden I could not keep my eyes away from the buff bodies on my TV screen. What was happening? Why did Ryu look so strong and seductive in the opening credits, with his bulging veiny biceps and the promise of chiseled muscles under his white kimono?

And why was this warm feeling of desire so similar to the mix of curiosity, attraction, and vague sense of envy that I felt every time I furtively glanced at the other boys at school during PE or in the gym’s changing room? The alluring victory poses of these digital fighters showed me a universe of powerful men with rock-hard abs and ripped torsos, a glimpse of an alternate reality where I was in total control, and where one day, possibly, I could have become as invincible as those aspirational demi-gods. At the time, I was not sure about the word that defined what or who I was, but I knew that my feelings for those moving pixels were powerful and real, and all I desired was to be able to share this passion with someone else, a kindred soul that could understand what was going through my mind. But it was 1993, and I was nothing but a lonely 12-year-old gaymer who felt like a single-player in a world of multiplayers.

Flash-forward to 2017, almost 25 years later. The gaymer community is rising quickly and establishing itself within popular culture, thanks to increased visibility and interconnectivity available through online gaming and forums. Despite most games still being marketed to white straight teenage boys, LGBTQ storylines and characters have been introduced to many mainstream video games, sending to the new generations of gaymers a message of inclusivity and hope. The Street Fighter franchise has landed its fifth chapter, and for the occasion Capcom has created a new character, a bearded and shirtless “hot Ryu”, who has had boys and girls alike screaming “Daddy!” at this new digital persona.

And there is a happy ending for my 12-year-old gaymer self, too. I have been lucky enough to find someone to love and play video games with, a guy who doesn’t judge me when I kick his ass at Street Fighter with my beloved female characters. The second player controller is not collecting dust on a shelf anymore, and I am now confident enough to send a message to those boys who made fun of me at the arcades back in the day.

Come and fight me, guys. Chun-Li and I are no longer afraid.

Un-hangover Yourself

You wake up gasping for breath like you’ve been shot, your mouth is dry like the desert, and what feels like razor blades falling down your ear canal is actually your alarm. The haze slightly subsides, the migraine begins to creep in, and you realize you have around thirty minutes to get your shit together and convince your boss you weren’t out all night, starting with your face.

Stay calm. Here are five beauty products to make you look like you’re a responsible adult that only had ‘one drink’.

1. Glamglow POWERMUD Dual Cleanse Treatment

I found Glamglow when I was traveling, and it honestly took around three years off my face in ten minutes. At first, I thought I was being ripped off, but it revolutionized my face regime. You can literally have seven shots of tequila, follow with double vodka sodas, and still have super clean velvety skin the next morning. So after cleansing your face with a facial cleanser and patting dry, this goes on!

2. Elemis SOS Survival Cream

It’s important to have a daily moisturizer and a backup moisturizer that can literally pump the elixir of youth back into your face. Elemis is formulated as a high performance, daily skin moisturizer, but this skin treatment cream is the optimum solution for sensitivity, irritation, dryness, and blemishes (naturally your perfect sidekick when you’re hungover AF). Once you have finished your face mask, tone, and then slap this baby all over your face and neck.

The powerful formula of marine extracts, lavender, and myrrh instantly soothes problem areas and leaves the skin perfectly hydrated and comfortable after a night of debauchery.

3. Visine Maximum Strength

This is going to be your best friend to get rid of the redness and irritation in your eyes. I recommend putting this in as soon as you’re awake so they’re crisp and hydrated. Don’t wait until you get to work. You might need a couple of rounds of it.

4. Quicksand by Hanz Defuko

This is for those of you who are lucky enough to pull of Viking length hair or something a bit more ’One Direction’ inspired. Quicksand will save you time so you can skip the ‘wet hair’ bit of drying your hair when it’s already a mission to stay alive.

Quicksand is one part styling wax and one part dry shampoo. The gritty formula contains diatomaceous earth, a soft granular rock similar to pumice that sucks up excess oil on the hair and scalp. So it’s perfect for oily, slept on hair.

5. Anything by Le Labo

Lastly after you shower, you need to have something beautiful to spray on your once disgusting self. I recommend Le Labo because their fragrances are so soulful and arresting, and people in your office will be so taken with your scent that they’ll hardly notice any other flaws.

Here are some extra home remedies that will help you (at no cost, only copious amounts of willpower) before crashing and after rising to help you get back to normal.

Before crashing:

  • Drink two pints of water to stop dehydration.
  • Take two painkillers to prevent a headache.

After rising:

  • Drink two more pints of water (your body needs it).
  • Eat a proper meal with carbs, fat, and sugar to absorb alcohol.
  • NO coffee. It’ll cause a headache and promote your old friend anxiety.
  • Eat plenty of fruits to rebalance sugar.
  • A simple breathing exercise and meditation can soothe the pain away.
  • Put two tablespoons in the freezer for 15 minutes, and then hold under your eyes until they are warm, this will minimize blood vessels and puffiness.

Or my personal fave recovery method? Sit in a bath of extremely hot water (for approx. 15 mins) until you sweat out all of your toxins, and then take an extremely cold shower to wake the system up. Shaving and a beard trim are also crucial.

Hang in there.