Everyone Queer Wants to Bang Tessa Thompson in a Suit

Everyone Queer Wants to Bang Tessa Thompson in a Suit

On Thursday morning, Sony Pictures Entertainment released the new trailer for Men in Black: International, a movie that purports to be about aliens but is really about Tessa Thompson wearing a suit and flirting with Emma Thompson (no relation, but feel free to go there in your fantasies if that’s what floats your boat).

We repeat. Men in Black: International is a movie about Tessa Thompson in a suit.

Immediately upon release, LGBTQ people of all genders and orientations began to fawn — nay, sweat — over the black-and-white suit worn by openly bisexual actress Tessa Thompson, who came out earlier this year and has since suggested she has a romantic relationship with Janelle Monae.

The Men in Black franchise dates back 20 years to the original 1997 blockbuster starring Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones that spawned two sequels. The films all center on the same premise: a highly top-secret police force tasked with battling interplanetary alien terrorists and generally keeping tabs on alien activity here on Earth, which takes the form of coffee-drinking worm guys, talking pugs, and alien dance parties in spin-off Will Smith music videos.

But who cares about the past? This movie stars Tessa Thompson in a suit.

The film is helmed by F. Gary Gray, whose incredible range spans from iconic queer classic Set it Off to the stoner comedy of Friday, historical narrative of Straight Outta Compton, and action-packed thrills of The Italian Job. The Hollywood powerhouse knows what the people want and what drives box office income, which is why he cast Tessa Thompson in a suit.

While Thompson was the primary target of queer lust on Thursday, some noted that the pairing of Thompson with Chris Hemsworth was a gift to bisexuals everywhere.

In the trailer for Men in Black: International, there are things that happen. Movie things. There are British accents, explosions, um…men talking, and different kinds of aliens. Stuff continues to happen in between shots of Tessa Thompson in a suit, and then there are also scenes where Tessa Thompson shoots giant guns into the air while wearing a suit, and scenes where Tessa Thompson talks while wearing a suit.

We are all gay for Tessa Thompson now, regardless of who we were before. Where once we had jobs, families, and goals for the future, now we care only about one thing: that suit. Things change when Tessa Thompson puts on a suit.

Men in Black: International hits theaters in the summer of 2019. Until then, it is clear that the people demand at least six more trailers — all of which shall be primarily comprised of Tessa Thompson doing things in a suit.


Mary Emily O'Hara

Mary Emily O'Hara is Associate Editor of INTO.