Queer Abby: When the Queer Community Feels Too Small

Queer Abby,

The queer community is so small. We often share space with people we don’t like or are not safe for us to be around. We may have friends in common with and may run into people who have harmed us. I’ve seen a lot of people isolate themselves in response. Do you have any advice for navigating social relationships after leaving an abusive relationship? This is probably applicable to divisive and destructive relationships of all kinds.


Divided in Delaware

Dear Divided, 

If a good friend of mine had just returned to planet Earth from an all-encompassing abusive relationship, this is what I would tell them. 

1. Limit Internet Connectivity & Stalking

Block the ex on Instagram and Facebook so you are not able to keep abreast of their goings-on and scrutinize where they are and when (and vice versa). 

Do not go digging in other people’s social media for clues about your ex. 

If you’re receiving shitty messages from them via phone or text, block them. 

2. Locate your long-time friends.

True supporters, number one fans, and people you can trust/cry in front of. Friends who can hold a confidence. Some of these people may be in your tight queer circle, but some of them might be people who are not at all involved in your social scene. It’s better, in fact, to remember your friends outside of your queer circles, because they can give you some valuable perspective and remind you that the world is a lot bigger than the 25 homosexuals of a certain age in your exact neighborhood. The world is very large and there are a lot of people who will be kind to you. 

 3. Make Your Own Plans

Make one-on-one and small group plans with these true blue people. Tell them the truth of what’s going on with you. 

This is how you keep from isolation. It’s valuable. 

Host a party, invite them to karaoke, have a sewing circle, go volunteer with queer seniors,  go out for donuts. 

Queer people like to do all sorts of things together besides attend the four parties you know about. 

4. Accept the Love Your Friends Can Give

Some of your friends may continue to be friendly acquaintances with people you perceive as harmful. 

They may have an entirely different experience with that person, and their own set of boundaries with them.

It may sting a little, but you can’t control your friends. 

You *can* control what you’re willing to have in your immediate surroundings and mental space. 

You can make a safety plan with friends, so they know how and when to step in and help you. 

5. Skip Some Parties

If your nemesis is invited to a party or a queer night that you’d like to attend, I would personally take the Path of Least Drama and stay home that night/make plans with my friends for another time. *

6. Make a Great Plan B

If you must go to a party, go with a very strong backup plan. Make it almost better than the party itself. 

“If I see so-and-so and I can’t keep away from them, or it becomes upsetting, I’m going to walk out the door, take a car home, and sing the Golden Girls theme song remix to my dog while we watch the show and eat a pizza together.” 

Note: Have a friend who is willing to bounce, or who will hear you and not protest if you need to turn on your heel and get a cab home. 

*There will be many, many queer nights and social gatherings in your lifetime, so don’t force yourself into an uncomfortable situation out of FOMO, obligation or feelings of scarcity. You still exist, you’re still a gaylord, and when you show up in a couple of months, feeling abundant and (hopefully) less tearful, it will be a higher quality experience.

The sting of being hurt will ease. In your lifetime, there will be people who tug at your heartstrings or make you feel jarred whenever you see them, but the immediate feeling of being wounded can be calmed, put into perspective, and crowded out by supportive, emotionally corrective experiences that you are personally in control of. 

Caveat: this advice is in regards to social relationships. 
If you feel in danger or need to talk to someone about an abusive relationship, please reach out for professional support.

Got a question for Queer Abby? Write to [email protected]. All questioners will remain anonymous! 

Lena Waithe Is Creating A Show With Kid Fury And I Literally Don’t Know How She Has The Time

A few years ago there was a meme mantra going around, “you have as many hours in the day as Beyoncé,” which is a way of saying “look how amazing and busy Beyoncé is, you could do that too!” Well Lena Waithe apparently took that to heart, because I literally don’t understand how she has taken on this many projects. Waithe was a fairly new face in 2015, when she started on the main cast of Aziz Ansari’s Master of None. It’s clear that Waithe has wasted no time with her new fame as she’s already cut a number of writing and producing deals.

The first major one is that Waithe is the creator and showrunner for The Chi, a Showtime series that follows a community on Chicago’s South Side. The Chi has been renewed for a second season which will probably air in 2019.

More recently, Waithe was announced as a co-executive producer with Kid Fury for a new HBO comedy series. The series will follow a 20-something black gay man and his life in New York City while working through his undiagnosed clinical depression. Kid Fury is most known for his podcast “The Read,” which he cohosts with Crissle West. The podcast focuses on black culture topics and often discusses queerness as well.

Waithe is also writing a horror anthology series for Amazon called THEM, which was picked up for an immediate two-season run. The show was described by Jennifer Salke, head of Amazon Studios, as addictive and edge-of-your-seat scary and also “provocative and socially relevant.”

Waithe’s work is also dipping out of television and into film with Queen and Slim, a romantic drama that has been compared to and influenced by Bonnie and Clyde, but with a black couple lead.

Finally, earlier this year TBS also ordered a pilot from Lena Waithe that she wrote in her early twenties, aptly titled,Twenties, which follows the adventures of a queer black woman and her straight best friends.

I’m pretty sure in a few years people are going to be saying, “you have as many hours in the day as Lena Waithe,” because holy crap.

Clarkisha Explains: Why All of Your James Gunn Think Pieces Can Kick Rocks

My one rule as I slowly age into an old crotchety gay that is attempting to reclaim her lost childhood like it’s my own version of Paradise Lost is simple:

“Mind your business.”

Now. How effective am I at following that rule? Well, it varies. I’m generally less nosy, annoying, and prone to intervention than, say, a Susan. But of course, this time around intervention has been deemed required.

And why has intervention been deemed required this time around?

Well, it’s simple:

Everybody who has charged themselves with defending James Gunn has quite frankly lost their goddamn minds.

And are definitely doing the opposite of minding their business.

How did we get here? I’m not sure, and I definitely didn’t want to be writing my own James Gunn anti-thinkpiece thinkpiece but alas. We can’t always get what we want. The journey here was blurry, but it all has to do with White men assuming it’s their right to say shitty things.

To bring you up to speed: Early in July, incendiary tweets that made light of pedophilia and child abuse (and belonged to James Gunn) were brought to light. Now, some will deem it important to mention who brought it to light — that is, Mike Cernovich — but I will soon explain why I do not give a fuck.

The tweets made light of pedophilia and sexual assault as it concerns children and minors. And all of them were pretty trifling, and I wouldn’t recommend Googling them, but just so you know, The Verge compiled them:

This caused Gunn to re-apologize (he had apparently apologized for them before, but did not delete them), stating that some semblance of his sense of humor was much better now (which I’ll get to) and attempting some semblance of damage control.

However, unlike before, there was no spinning this. The blowback was swift, widespread, and made Disney go “lol bye bitch” and drop James Gunn quicker than a Sundrop commercial on July 20.


Now. When I heard the news, I was pretty much shocked that Disney went there (and more than moderately tickled because these tweets did exist before and I’m sure Disney knew of them, but just didn’t care…then). However, I was interested in what the “liberal progressive” reaction would be. And was half expecting some reflection from Hollywood about how doing or even saying shitty things can come back to bite you at the most inopportune of times.

But LOL what a naïve asshole I was, because that is exactly the OPPOSITE of what happened.

Instead, you had folx who would normally have some common fucking sense (i.e. Selma Blair, Dave Bautista, etc.) ready to take the weirdest L I’ve watched in modern history for ol’ dude, saying that he had demonstrated a capacity for change (don’t know how one could measure that but okay — and the irony is that many of these same individuals would not be saying the same thing if they were asked to leave their children around him) and should not be punished.

Perhaps the most bizarre one for me was the assumption that because Mike Cernovich was a right-wing bum bitch himself, (also a supporter of rape, a White supremacist, and a Men’s Rights Activist who rose to prominence thanks to #GamerGate [how ironic]), his callout shouldn’t mean shit. Now, if it was merely about him also being a rape promoting, White supremacist shit-head who should have been put down during #GamerGate, I’d understand more, I would, but most people are taking umbrage with this not because of that reasoning but because this is apparently a case of “the right” weaponizing hate or political speech against people who speak out in opposition to Trump or whatever the fuck and getting someone they don’t like on the left out of the paint.

And obviously because Hollywood likes Gunn, this was madness to them.

The irony? This was madness, but for completely different reasons — two of which include the following:

1. Ignorance and general trashbagness know no particular party affiliation or political ideology.

It goes without saying that right-wing nutjobs are some of the worst of the worst, but to pretend that folx who are left-leaning or otherwise “progressive” cannot also be bigoted or downright awful is bullshit.

But this charade is not new. It’s the same reason folx are acting like the bombing of Black and Brown countries started under Bush or Trump and did not occur (and was not worsened) under Obama. And it’s the same reason people are acting like ICE (founded in 2003), deportation in general, the separation of families, and the disappearing of children is a Trumpian invention like ICE wasn’t created in response to 9/11 and xenophobia and anti-immigrant sentiments that existed PRIOR to that or like Obama didn’t tell a trans woman activist to basically STFU when she protested ICE’s inhuman treatment of trans detainees at the White House back in 2015.

There’s that and the fact that no political side has some unique subscription to callouts. Just like we just got Roseanne out of the paint for being a virulent right-wing racist, Gunn doesn’t suddenly get to be spared similar action because folx happen to like him more or because he’s dragged Trump and this administration enough times.

Folx are acting like it will cause the moral degradation of society to give credence to a right-winger pointing out the indecency of making pedophilia jokes rather than pointing out that the jokes shouldn’t have been made at all, so there is nothing to call out. Source of the callout aside.

And though we all learned to be wary of sources in grade school, a source’s political ties doesn’t suddenly change the truth if the truth is the truth. Case in point, The famous exposé done on Harvey Weinstein (one of many that would propel the #MeToo movement to national and international renown) by Ronan Farrow wouldn’t have suddenly meant less if (God forbid) it came from, Breitbart or Fox News. Of course, I say this knowing some of you shitheads might have rushed to defend [alleged] serial rapist and sexual assaulter Harvey Weinstein if that had been the case because he had just so happened to position himself as progressive and donated to plenty of Democratic campaigns during the height of his popularity and power.

Tell me I’m wrong.

Still. Left-leaning politics do not somehow erase your personal, professional, or moral shortcomings or give you a “get out of jail free” card when you do or say something shitty.

If it were that easy, everyone including Tonka Truck Leghorn would be a left-leaning, progressive “comrade.” That said, you know what is a guaranteed “get out of free jail” card like 99.9% of the time?

Whiteness. And specifically being a White man.

Which leads me to my final point:

2. Defending Gunn is less about drawing some deal-breaking moral line and more about defending the assumed right of White men to do or say shitty things in the name of edginess and provocation and escape judgment or punishment.

THIS is the part of the issue that many of these previous think pieces (I refuse to link them) either missed or intentionally left out.

These pieces are so ready to convince us that Gunn has changed because he made the Guardians of the Galaxy movies (lol) and are just so willing to gloss over what it is that he said and chalk it up to bad or undeveloped humor that he has since abandoned.

A lot more of them asserted that because most of us said some awful things during the pre-PC period (which for Gunn, was as recently as 2012 and extended before that, to 2008 approximately), Gunn should get pardoned because he was young (like he wasn’t a grown ass man at the age of 40) and because these things were acceptable then–apparently.

The thing is, though, when has pedophilia ever been funny?

That’s a trick question because it was never funny.

And everyone who has common sense (and is most likely marginalized) gets this…except White men.

The difference is that Gunn was a White dudebro edgelord then. And like most White dudebro edgelords at that time, HE deemed jokes about pedophilia (or racism, homophobia, and etc.) as okay when they never have been. For ANYONE.

And he ain’t the only one. Folx like Dan Harmon were in the paint with him too, making a whole ass video simulating rape on a baby doll because, again, “funny.”

At the end of the day, though, Gunn is a White man. And I do not believe for a second that he won’t make (or attempt) some kind of comeback (Mel Gibson, Mark Wahlberg, and James Franco immediately come to mind). However, in the interim, you would think that ol’ dude was real deal arrested of some “heinous crime” he did not commit and was unjustly sent to Rikers for three years to await some bail hearing–in solitary confinement–that took its sweet time coming–oh wait, that wasn’t him, but it sounds like someone else we know.

Indeed. Folx are acting as if Disney firing Gunn was the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of forever and like MadBlackThot, I have to laugh because that is absolutely and positively ludicrous…but unsurprising because White folx — particularly White men — are so used to being able to commit all their sins and iniquities with impunity that the mere PROSPECT of them facing consequences (or seeing brethren like Gunn face consequences) has them SHOOK.

It’s why #MeToo is such an interesting case study. For all its shortcomings (and the men who are already attempting to crawl back), the movement at least attempts to hold famous White men (and other men) accountable for their sexual crimes and does not allow the veneer of their “progressivism” to get in the way of that.

Which is certainly a novel concept for White men on this large a scale. That is, the idea of consequences.

But for people of color (in my case, BLACK), women of color, and queer folx of color, society has always made it very clear that there are consequences for us merely existing, let alone consequences for actions or something we merely said.

Not only are these edgelord jokes usually completely off-limits for us (as they should be for everyone tbh), we are painfully cognizant (especially in my field) that any post or words we utter in opposition against, say, White Supremacy can be perceived as overly-aggressive, “reverse racist,”  and can be the difference between a cushy job and the unemployment line.

And that if the latter were to happen, no one would EVER defend us with the same fervor or energy they’re using to defend James Gunn (as director Lexi Alexander stated below).

So we pick our words carefully each and every time because our embattled existence requires that we must be ready to DEFEND them each and every time.

White men recognize no such stakes. White men possess no such cognizance. They can’t even spell that shit, much less experience it.

Which is exactly why Gunn will get no tears or defense from my queer Black ass.

If you wanna call out Disney for being inconsistent and hiring Gunn in the first place when they probably knew these tweets existed, go ahead and do that. But do not attempt to portray Gunn as some martyr when he is most certainly NOT.

Nicki Minaj Stans Are Looking for Queer Icon Tracy Chapman

Nicki Minaj’s fanbase is about to get in a fast car and find Tracy Chapman.

The iconic Black lesbian musician is at the center of an internet hunt as Stan Twitter is looking for her. What’s behind the sudden interest in the singer-songwriter? On Tuesday, Minaj tweeted out that she might have to delay her upcoming fourth studio album Queen in order for a sample of a Tracy Chapman song to clear. The album was already delayed after a planned July release date, which meant that Minaj’s fanbase — formerly called Barbz and currently called the Kingdom — is on a hunt for the acclaimed musician.

The one problem? Chapman doesn’t have a social media presence. Instead, Barbz have been DMing a fan community of Chapman’s, which currently has slightly over 19,000 Twitter followers. The page released a statement reminding Stans that the account is, in fact, not Chapman herself.

“Hi to everyone who has messaged and DM’d in the last few hours,” the account wrote. “Tracy Chapman Online is a fan community and is run by the fans. Although we can’t speak for the artist, feel free to browse the feed and ask any fan questions.”

Minaj also posted on her Instagram that fans had been tweeting her screenshots of DMs they had sent to Chapman’s fan accounts.

Barbz, please don’t harass fellow queen Tracy Chapman, she has nothing to do with this! Support Black queen women! #BuyFastCaroniTunes

‘The Happy Prince’ is Happy as in Gay in First Trailer

It isn’t very often that out queer actors are cast in queer roles. Usually, such roles are reserved for straight actors who then turn the film into Oscar bait during award season. It’s even rarer still that a film is also written and directed by a queer person. With The Happy Prince, we get all three.

Named after the Oscar Wilde short story of the same name, The Happy Prince is about Wilde’s last days and the events that lead to his demise. Having been convicted of sodomy and gross indecency, Wilde was imprisoned and submitted to hard labor. Upon his release, he was deemed a social reject and having been outcast, the last three years of his life were spent in exile and poverty.

Out actor Rupert Everett initially intended to only write the screenplay and star in the film. However, due to lack of interest from directors he’d approached, he eventually took on the role of director as well.

“The first one that I wrote the screenplay for backed out, and then so did about seven others,” he said of the film. “So, nobody that I wanted, wanted me. Story of my life. And so then I was left to myself, to direct it, or let it die, and I decided to try and keep going.”

Everett defines The Happy Prince as a “project of passion” that took over his life for a period of time while making it. In an interview with Press Association, he expressed that he felt a connection to Wilde as an out gay man in a compulsively heteronormative film industry, where due to his openness regarding his sexuality, he was denied certain roles or they simply were never made available to him.

My position of working in this aggressively heterosexual milieu of show business has definitely made me feel kind of parallel,” Everett said. “Of course I haven’t been put in prison and subjected to hard labour and I haven’t died from it but I have been constantly on the back foot, really, in my career as a gay actor.”

In an interview with HMV, he references the task of acquiring financing for distribution, noting that with all the distributors, name dropping was never not an option for him, as they were only interested in investing in the film as long as Colin Firth, who plays Reggie Turner, remained attached to the project.

His tenacity and passion for getting the project off the ground is appreciated. Though the film is sure to be a dark, grim take on the unfortunate passing of the “last of the great 19th century vagabonds,” it is a reflection of the hypocrisy and cruelty in the treatment of queer artists; revered only when they hide the truths that make straight culture uncomfortable. Still, the trailer promises to stay true to Wilde’s famous sharp wit, which even near death, he never lost. In one scene, he is shown ill, in bed, staring at the wall as he says, “I’m in mortal combat with this wallpaper, Robbie. One of us has to go.”

It is precisely that spirit of humor and survival, even in the direst of situations, that made Wilde’s such a compelling story to tell for Everett, who credits the writer for igniting the LGBTQ liberation movement.

“There wasn’t such a word as homosexuality before the Wilde scandal,” Everett says, “and with Wilde’s death in 1900, it really was a beginning, a starting point, for the gay movement which then became the LGBTQ movement.”

The Happy Prince opens in New York and Los Angeles October 5.

Democrats Introduce Bill to Count LGBTQ People on U.S. Census

Nearly three dozen civil rights groups have come out in support of a Senate bill mandating the Census collect data on LGBTQ Americans by 2030.

Introduced by Sens. Kamala Harris (D-Calif.) and Tom Carper (D-Del.), the Census Equality Act compels the U.S. Census Bureau to “research, identify, and begin implementing a plan” to include questions related to sexual orientation and gender identity “no later than one year after the date of the enactment of this Act.”

While LGBTQ people would still have to wait another decade to be counted in the decennial survey, the bill also requires that the annual American Community Survey (ACS) include such questions by 2020.

In a statement, Harris claimed “no one should go uncounted and no one should be invisible.”

“We must expand data collections efforts to ensure the LGBTQ community is not only seen, but fully accounted for in terms of government resources provided,” claimed the former California Attorney General, who is rumored to be planning a 2020 presidential run. “This information can also provide us with better tools to enforce civil rights protections for a community that is too often discriminated against.”

Carper, her colleague in the Senate Homeland and Governmental Affairs Committee, added that the legislation would “ensure the information collected by the Census accurately reflects who we are as a society and that everyone is counted fairly.”

“Today, despite the fact that roughly 10 million Americans identify as LGBTQ, the community is left unrepresented on the Census,” Carper said. “In order for our government and the businesses that drive our economy to work for the American people, they must have the most accurate and comprehensive data on those they serve.”

At least 17 Senate Democrats — including Sens. Cory Booker (D-N.J.), Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.), and Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.) — and 33 advocacy organizations have come out in support of the legislation.

These groups include a roster of nearly single leading organization working on LGBTQ equality: American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), Center for American Progress, Family Equality Council, Los Angeles LGBTQ Center, National Center for Lesbian Rights, People for the American Way, SAGE, and The Trevor Project.

Advocates say this legislation is necessary after the U.S. Census Bureau announced last year it would not be including LGBTQ questions on the 2020 survey — despite earlier reports they would be incorporated.

Although Census officials claimed categories like gender identity and sexual orientation were never under serious consideration, the news led many people to conclude that the Trump administration again erased queer and trans people. The announcement followed rollbacks in data collection on queer and trans elders in two federal surveys, as well as the erasure of LGBTQ people from federal websites.

Although the U.S. Census Bureau concluded there was “no need” to survey LGBTQ lives, advocates say this information is essential. Having data about marginalized populations means the government can better offer them assistance through programs like the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) and Medicaid.

David Stacy, government affairs director for the Human Rights Campaign, claimed allotting federal resources is all the more difficult when these groups remain uncounted.

“It’s absolutely critical that we have the hard data needed to find solutions and address the unique challenges Americans face based on their sexual orientation or gender identity,” Stacy said in a statement. “The Census and American Community Survey are crucial tools to meet these needs.”

Rea Carey, executive director of the National LGBTQ Task Force, added that the Census Equality Act “will put the Census Bureau back on the path it initiated two years ago.”

“We call on members of Congress to support a full, fair, and accurate Census by becoming co-sponsors of the Census Equality Act and opposing efforts to add an untested citizenship question to the Census,” Rea claimed in a statement.

While sexual orientation and gender identity will not be counted, the U.S. Census Bureau announced in March that the 2020 survey would tally same-sex couples.

There are an estimated 10 million LGBTQ Americans.

Image via Getty

Kate McKinnon and Mila Kunis Give Us the Details on Their ‘The Spy Who Dumped Me’ Duo

Susanna Fogel is giving audiences something that they’ve long been complaining about wanting: more lady spy movies. We got a great one with Melissa McCarthy in Spy and people have long been wanting a female James Bond. So thankfully, Fogel is satiating us with The Spy Who Dumped Me–a spy movie in the vein of a buddy comedy about two women who get stuck in a very, very bad situation.

The film stars Mila Kunis as Audrey, an aimless thirtysomething in Los Angeles who is dumped by her long-time boyfriend (Justin Theroux) and is really going through it until she and her best friend Morgan (Kate McKinnon) are pretty much forced into becoming pseudo-spies. Why, you ask? Because Audrey’s ex is an international spy, of course. Hijinks, action, and romance occur and with Fogel’s touch, the center of the film always is about Audrey and Morgan’s friendship and what happens when two women find their calling in life.

INTO sat down with Kunis and McKinnon to discuss being underestimated, what they’d want from a sequel and Gillian Anderson.

People are so thirsty for lady spy movies. Was that was one of the reasons you both got onboard with Susanna [Fogel] for this movie?

Mila Kunis: I wanted to do it because I’m a huge fan of Kate and the script was fucking awesome.

Kate McKinnon: The same, but for Mila. Sorry. You’ve caught us at the end of the day. Just give me a hot second.

MK: Where are you going with this idea? I’ll try to help you. Let me read your mind. Women. Film. Susanna.

KM: What really got me about this is that… usually, in a buddy movie, there’s a scene on page 75 where they have a huge fight and they break up. And then they come back together. And this one didn’t have any of that. They just were supporting each other, going along this journey together the entire time. I thought that was more true of my friendships and the way they function than anything I’d ever read.


Did the action part of the film appeal to both of you as well?

MK: Action, in respect to the fact that she and I didn’t have to be great at anything, yesssss. It just was like: you show up, and what would you really do in this circumstance?


One of my favorite parts of the film is that so much of it is about being a woman and being underestimated. How did you guys feel about that? When was a period in your lives when you were like, “I’ve been underestimated and I’ve now proven you all wrong”?

MK: My career was built off of that. But in the best way possible!  Ask any female actress: have you ever been told you can’t do something and then gone, wait a minute, yes I can.


Was that something you talked with Susanna [Fogel] about?

MK: We all understood that we’re all women in an industry and are seeking constant validation. We’re in an industry that’s all about validation, however you look at it.

KM: I was called on to prove myself when I was hired as an umpire for little league baseball when I was 18. Yes, this is a true story. I could tell that the parents thought, she can’t. She’s not going to be able to do this. And they were right. I made bad calls, I didn’t brush up on the rules of softball before I did it, I pissed everybody off. I learned from that [laughs].

MK: Did you really not know the rules?

KM: I knew the rules. I just sort of didn’t brush up on it. And it’s hard! You have two sides of parents diametrically opposed, yelling at you no matter which way you call it.

MK: Ugh, Kate! Clearly not a professional umpire.   

KM: No! I mean, you can imagine a box, did it go outside the box? I don’t know. Do I like the look of the child who’s come up to bat? Does it look like a nice person? Well, okay. That’s how I made my calls. Do I want to reward this person or not?

MK: Are you serious?

KM: Kind of.

Is this the dynamic you guys had on set the whole time? Just riffing off of each other?

Both: Yes.


One of my favorite parts of the movie was all the very lady-centric jokes. Were any of those off the cuff or were they pretty scripted? Like, the toxic shock syndrome joke killed me.

KM: Yeah! That was a tentpole of the script. There were so many good jokes in the script. We improvised some as well, and some of them made it in. It was so fun. But the script was like… POA–I’m gonna coin a term–perfect on arrival. [screams] It’s not good! It doesn’t even rhyme with “dead.” It should rhyme with “dead.”


What was it like working with Susanna?

KM: Oh, the best! God, I love that lady.


You were in Life Partners, right?

KM: I had a small but pivotal role in a half-scene of Life Partners, the independent film that she made. I was like, how is this very, very grounded, heartfelt, sardonic tone going to mesh with a huge action movie, and gosh if she did it! Seamlessly! And it just fits together!


Did you guys do any of your own stunts?

Both: Yeeaaaahhh…… nooo…..

MK: I mean, I think we did, literally we crawled all over the floor, we got shit sprayed on top of us…

KM: Oh, we crawled, oh yeah! I remember that!

MK: We did so many more stunts than you remember. We did everything. We did everything.  


What would you guys hope for in a sequel? I definitely would love a sequel.

MK: What do you want to happen in the sequel?


You guys are now total badass spies. I want to watch that movie.

KM: I want to go to Southeast Asia simply because I want to go to Southeast Asia.

MK: I say Greece. She keeps trying to push Southeast Asia. I want to do Greece. I want the Mediterranean, warm water.


Who would your ideal villain be for a sequel?

MK: Matt Damon.


Shit! That’d be good.

KM: The leader of Myanmar. Right? Shouldn’t we get embroiled in a scandal at the Myanmar parliament?

MK: Yes.

With Matt Damon somehow involved.

MK: He’s Matt Damon. He’s always involved.


Did you guys actually freak out about working with Gillian Anderson, because that scene when you call her the Beyonce of the government…

MK: Let me answer that question for you. Let me just take this one.

KM: Can I speak for myself, please? As a lifelong insane X-Files fan and fan of Gillian Anderson, it ripped my universe in half.

MK: [mumbles]

KM: Come on! Let me speak for myself. When you were 14, you had already been working in the industry for 10 years. But when I was 14, a massive, insane fan of the X-Files, you don’t think: one day, surely, I shall film a scene with this person on screen. So, that was really crazy.

That Gillian Anderson scene, I think, is going to speak to a lot of people, because I definitely was like, oh that would be me over Gillian Anderson, who also seems frighteningly beautiful.

MK: This one… All day long I had to hear about Gillian Anderson… [laughs]

KM: [whispering] Shut up.


There was one point, I was like, are they going to get together in this movie? I was really excited. Maybe that will happen in the sequel?

KM: [whispering] Shut up. It was very professional. Everything with Gillian, above the table.

Images via Getty

Every Charlie’s Angel Ranked in Lesbianism By a Lesbian

Last week, Elizabeth Banks announced that she’d be directing the latest Charlie’s Angels movie. Now in its fourth iteration—after the 1976 original TV show, the McG-directed 2000s movies, and the 2011 TV reboot—the franchise will be led by out queer actress Kristen Stewart, along with two British actresses, Naomi Scott and Ella Balinska.

From the homoerotic moments between Cameron Diaz and Demi Moore, to the wink-wink-nudge-nudge innuendo of girl-on-girl fight scenes, the Charlie’s Angels franchise has always harbored queer undertones.

And with Kristen Stewart at the forefront of the upcoming 2019 movie, it’s about to get much gayer. So, in an effort to record the characters’ queerness for posterity, I decided to rank every past and current Angel by how gay they are—for science. Only the three leading, original Angels per iteration will be considered, except in the case of one extraordinarily gay circumstance.

14 – Ella Balinska

Balinska is brand-new to the Angel-verse, so we don’t have much info on her—no character name, no storyline, no past gay productions.

However, I did check out Ella’s Instagram, and found one picture of her wearing a beanie and a plaid shirt, another of her almost smooching another girl, and one more of the actress in a leather jacket—all of which feel like personal attacks.


13 – Naomi Scott

Naomi played the ever-adored Pink Power Ranger in the 2017 Power Rangers movie, and any female power ranger is inherently a little queer.

Like Ella, we don’t have any info on her character yet. However, Scott did star in the 2011 Disney Channel original movie Lemonade Mouth about a five-part teen band of the same name. You know who else was one of the fab five? Hayley Kiyoko. Gay by association.


12 – Kate Prince (Annie Ilonzeh)

In the 2011 Charlie’s Angels reboot, Kate Prince played a former detective turned dirty cop who was recruited by Charlie. She harbors a significant amount of romantic pain because her ex-fiancé left her just two weeks before the wedding. Queer women love to harbor resentment, so. Like her fellow 2011 Angels, Kate is almost totally devoid of traits—not much to work with here.


11 – Jill Munroe (Farrah Fawcett)

Farrah Fawcett is so heterosexual, it’s hard for me to even talk about. She’s very low on this list because she is superbly boring and superbly into men. Nonetheless, her character Jill was an inaugural Angel and a champion racecar driver who won the Grand Prix in 1979, after her time working with Charlie. Like her two cohorts, Kelly and Sabrina, she was a cop on the LAPD police force—gay—a skilled horseback rider—gayyy—and knew some shit about astrology—GAY.


10 – Kelly Garrett (Jaclyn Smith)

Kelly Garrett is an unbearably good-looking Angel from the original show. She loves a halter-top and scamming men, so that’s good. She also makes a cameo in Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle when she descends upon Dylan (Drew Barrymore) as a literal angel, like an actual voice-of-reason dead person, to offer some maternal advice. The comforting mommy-vibes somehow did it for me, so here she is at #10. Look, maternal advice can be intimate, okay?

Also, Kelly can apparently start a fire using sticks, attended summer camp in her youth, and was obsessed with her doll named Lillibet—all of which scream “camp lesbian.”


9 – Natalie Cook (Cameron Diaz) 

Natalie was, unfortunately, the least gay of the power trio in McG’s 2000s films. She’s boy crazy in a totally innocent way that makes me roll my tired gay eyes. Luckily, Natalie isn’t devoid of lesbianism. She flirts with Demi Moore’s character on the beach in Full Throttle, getting super weird and overly complimentary around Moore’s rock-hard abs.

Natalie loves wearing Spider-Man tighty whities and she used to do roller derby, which is just about the gayest sport in history. In Full Throttle, she goes undercover as a mullet-donning, open mouth gum-chewing, CSI butch who just about masters the biting “I’m gay and judging you” grin.


8 – Sabrina Duncan (Kate Jackson) 

Kate Jackson’s Angel was the most guileless of the trio from the original show, although she was the leader of their task force. She’s an ex-cop and internationally ranked slalom skier, she sports an adorable 70s-style lob, knows how to drive a racecar, and most importantly, is subtly obsessed with herself.  Sabrina always wears something that says her name on it—a necklace, a T-shirt that says “Sabrina” in script. (All queer women are weirdly into themselves in ways we’re not totally down to admit.)

The ’70s Angels are written as unforgivingly heterosexual, but we’ll always have this cropped tee and high-waisted denim-wearing goddess.


7 – Alex Munday (Lucy Liu) 

Lucy Liu brings some seriously queer vibes to her character Alex in the two Charlie’s Angels movies. She was a competitive equestrian, which makes her a horse girl, which is pretty fucking gay. She also used to be an astronaut, meaning she probably stans Sally Ride, who was queer.

Alex is also a former gymnast and chess champion—I’m not sure if either of those things are hetero or not, but this Angel is an overachieving know-it-all who loves to be right—which accurately describes every queer woman I’ve ever met. She also drives the shit out of boats, and boats are canonically lesbian. Speedboats are the Subarus of the sea.


6 – Eve French (Minka Kelly)  

Unfortunately, the 2011 Charlie’s Angels reboot barely made it through its first season before getting canceled. Only eight episodes of the show exist, and while they’re brimming with post-aughts bangers like “S&M” by Rihanna and “On The Floor” by J. Lo and Pitbull, they’re basically unwatchable. The three Angels are almost completely indistinguishable in their character traits and plotlines. They’re basically three indiscriminate female voices brought to life by actresses who were amazing, but mere mortals who just couldn’t save this heaping pile.

Technically, Minka Kelly and Rachael Taylor should be in the top two spots, as they’re the only Angels in history to share a major lip-lock. However, the desperate grab at a would-be throwaway queer storyline never even aired because the show was shitcanned so quickly. But we’ll always have the glorious paparazzi pictures to prove it actually happened.


5 – Abby Sampson (Rachael Taylor)

Abby is described in the show as a “Park Avenue princess” turned criminal, who was later recruited by Charlie. She reads as extremely, almost offensively straight. But again, she did make out with Minka Kelly, which would have been the first Angel-on-Angel make-out.

The only reason Rachael gets a higher ranking than Minka is because she currently plays Trish Walker on Jessica Jones, who has insane sexual tension with the show’s titular character and is a major queer fave.


4 – Madison Lee (Demi Moore)

Madison is not an “original three” in any iteration of Charlie’s Angels, however, I feel like Madison is canonically accepted as bisexual, without actually having said anything about being bisexual. She’s an ex-Angel who became the scary-hot villain in Full Throttle. She exudes sexual energy and makes active attempts to seduce Natalie, one of her wide-eyed and bushy-tailed successors. Moore wears the 2000s-specific stereotype of a bisexual villain well—she dresses like a power lesbian, at one point donning a silky black button-up and matching trousers—and frightens me to the point of arousal and confusion.

Madison has a penchant for revenge and grudge-holding, which is extremely lesbian. And while she does try to kiss Natalie more than once, which is the closest to an on-screen girl-on-girl kiss in the Angelverse, I can’t quite give her a Top 3 ranking—she wears a floor-length fur coat in her most villainous scene—and a queer woman would NEVER wear an animal product!!


3 – Kristen Stewart

Kristen Stewart is inarguably a lesbian icon. The only reason she’s not #1 on this list is because we currently have zero information on her character in the upcoming Charlie’s Angels film. It’s unclear if she’ll play queer, but sweet fuck, can you imagine if she does?

The first gay Angel might actually end me. Cause of death: an Adventureland-era Kristen beating men to a pulp and getting the girl.


2 – Dylan Sanders (Drew Barrymore)

Dylan is the kind of movie character queer women see when we’re young, then look back on and think, “Wow, I felt seen.” She’s the most grungy, tomboyish and masc-leaning Angel in the 2000s movies, or in any iteration of the franchise. Dylan can always be seen in a baggy, worn out t-shirt, combat boots, and a snarl. In one scene, she even wears a fucking houndstooth Kangol hat. Her mom died when she was young, and all queer women have mommy issues. Her past occupations include: veteran, former competitive monster truck driver, and an ex-Lucha Libre-esque wrestler whose alter-ego was “Lady Insane.” I mean.

Dylan is also the jealous best friend. In Full Throttle, she grows fearful that both Natalie and Alex will move on without her—Alex with Joey from Friends, and Natalie with Luke Wilson’s thousand-watt smile—rendering her the sole remaining (single) angel. Every queer woman has at one point or another been the jealous best friend who wonders why the fuck her best friend cares more about sex with men than our beautiful, blossoming, emotional intimacy—not speaking from personal experience, just something I’ve heard from…others.


1 – Gloria (Nadine Velazquez)

Gloria was briefly seen in the first five minutes of the 2011 Charlie’s Angels pilot, as a former decorated veteran who was court marshaled for a deadly incident and later became an Angel. She was promptly killed off to drive a revenge plot and replaced by Minka Kelly. Former veteran who gets killed in the first seven minutes of a show? Sorry, but that’s gayest thing I’ve ever heard. Thanks, Bury Your Gays trope!

The new Charlie’s Angels is set to be released Sept. 27 of 2019.